Is Your Teen Addicted to Gaming?

It's bad enough that you rarely see your teen but when he is home he spends his time staring at the computer playing interactive games. What should a parent do? Do you limit his time on the computer or ban interactive games altogether? How do you know when a simple game is becoming a problem?

Teens need alone time. Their life is changing at a rapid and stressful rate and they absolutely need down time do do nothing at all. But the amount of downtime they need is minimal - perhaps an hour a day depending on the teen. Gaming may be your teens way of getting down time.

If gaming is becoming a habitual way to avoid interacting with others or if it is beginning to prevent your teen from taking care of other responsibilities then perhaps it is time to talk to him about the role gaming is playing in his life.

Remember to ask him how gaming makes him feel and to listen rather than lecture or dictate new rules. The latter will invoke defensiveness and your teen will turn a deaf ear. But if you discover what your teen is turning his back on via gaming, it is possible to develop a dialogue about some of life's demands that are causing him to feel overwhelmed. Take this opportunity to learn about your teen and to see the gaming as a symptom rather than an enemy.

Overcoming Despair, and Holiday Blues

Depression is different than feelings of despair in that it may last longer and/or is more intense than despair. However, treating despair and treating depression have some similarities.

Despair often results from a faulty interpretation of an experience. For instance when something goes wrong you tell yourself that the situation is hopeless or that the situation is beyond repair. The fastest way out of despair is to redefine the situation. Instead of allowing your negative thoughts to dictate your feelings, train yourself to define the situation in a way that does not include exaggerated language. You might say to yourself "OK, this is bad, but it's not the end of the world."

Despair, no matter how intense, will not last forever. All feelings have a way of fading with time. Think back to another time when you felt like the world would end and realize that, in fact, it didn't. It may be difficult, but you will get through this too.

If you have feelings of despair following this advice may be just the medicine you need to get you back on track.

Smile: It sounds silly, but studies have shown that even a fake smile produces "feel good" chemicals (endorphins) in your brain. Go find a mirror and force yourself to smile for at least five minutes. If you’re not laughing by then, go outside and smile at strangers. It may sound strange, but it works. Do it.

Exercise: A good swift walk around the block or 15 minutes of aerobics will stimulate your brains’ "feel good" chemicals alleviating your negative mood. Work in the garden, vigorously clean the house or just go for a 20 minute walk every day, the difference will surprise you.

Keep a journal: Recent research has shown that writing about your despair doesn’t alleviate it. However, making daily lists of those things for which you are grateful can make a dramatic difference in your mood. Every day write down three things that you are grateful for, then write down one thing that you like about yourself.

Do a good deed: It sounds simple but it is a very important part of dealing with despair and depression. Studies confirm that when you step outside of yourself, and spend time helping others, you begin to leave your own issues behind; negativity is soon replaced with happiness and self pity is replaced with the uplifting feelings that come with helping others. Start small, bring cookies to a friend or take your teenager to lunch.

Caffeine can cause despair to worsen. Reduce or delete caffeine from your diet. And last but not least, make room in your day for 20 minutes of sunshine. It sounds simple but decades of research have proven that doing these two things will make a marked difference in your ability to cope with despair.

You are ultimately in control of your emotions and your life. The choices you make today will determine your tomorrow.

Teens, Voting and our Hope for the Future

How often do you hear people say they don’t want to be told what to do? Young people often rebel against conforming to rules and regulations. I have had some of them come to me and say that they are fed up with being told, “You have to do this,” and “You have to do that.” They say they want to decide for themselves and do what they want to do. My response is that they are free to do exactly what they choose to do (as long as it does not infringe upon the rights of others), but there are certain consequences which follow all our actions, and our teens must be prepared to take those consequences.

If we disobey the speed limit it is our own fault if we get a ticket. If we are dishonest, it is our choice that has caused us to pay stiff consequences. If we are violent the law of the land is bound to make us pay for disobeying the laws of civility.

Many people skirt their obligation to vote. They use a variety of excuses to rationalize why they don’t vote. Some say it is because courts select jurors from registered voters, and they don’t want to serve on jury duty. Some say that they are too busy to vote. Still others say they don’t vote because one vote won’t matter at all. There are also those Americans who do not vote, because they simply are not concerned about doing so. I say, if you don’t take part in the choice, you have no right to complain about the outcome.

What does this have to do with raising teens? Well it won't be long before the course our country is left in their hands. And it is up to us as parents to raise our children to have a healthy respect for our country and an understanding of how important their participation in the voting process is.

It is the responsibility of parents to teach their children the importance of understanding their role in choosing their leaders, laws and taxable obligations. Of course the best way to get this lesson across is to be a proactive role model. Talk about laws and elections at the dinner table. Let them know how you felt about your choices on voting day. Help them understand the importance of electing honest, ethical and moral leaders who will lead the people rather that seek personal glory or gain. Our future depends on it.

When Your Teen is Molested

Being molested is by far one of the most devastating things that can happen to anyone. Regardless of how well the child/teen seems to be doing afterward, the psychological damage is always great, and rarely completely overcome.

Depending on the circumstances of the molestation the child/teen can develop an aversion for anything or any place that reminds them of the trauma they have suffered. For instance if they were molested by a church member they may have panic attacks at the thought of having to go to church. Or if it took place at school they may go into hysterical or emotional outbursts when expected to go back to class.

If the molestation took place in the home, i.e. in the child's bed for instance, the teen/child may develop an aversion to going to bed, experience traumatic nightmares or develop sleep disorders such as insomnia or chronic fatigue.

In the case of a bedroom molestation it is helpful to allow the child to change rooms and to get a new mattress rather than to subject them to re-traumatization day after day. But in situations where the molestation took place outside of the home - in a place where the child needs to continue to be present - it is important that the parent understand that giving in to their cries and hysterics is actually hurtful and can lead to permanent phobias and other mental illness.

Every time a child is allowed to avoid a situation which brings up memories of the trauma the brain reinforces their fear, eventually creating a synaptic pathway in the brain that prevents them from getting past their emotional blockage. They become emotionally crippled, forever terrified of religion, education, people, etc. They can develop paranoia, agoraphobia, panic disorders, depression and other mental disorders.

The parent of a victimized child can help heal their child/teen by helping them differentiate between the bad experience and the events that surrounded it. Don't allow your pity for the child to over-shadow your responsibility as the parent to help ease them back into society and the normalcy they so desperately need. After a traumatic experience it is unwise to allow the victim to make decisions about their life, especially if it includes withdrawing from life to any degree. The adult, the parent needs to be the one who makes the decisions. They need to see that the child get back into the swing of things as soon as possible.

Of course, a traumatized child needs to have a safe place where they can go to spew the poisonous venom that has been force upon them. They need a professional, someone who is trained in treating traumatized kids, to help them work through their frazzled emotions and debilitating fears. Again, don't ask them if they would like to go into counseling, tell them that this is the plan, and make it as easy for them as you can.

Children should never be put in a place of having to make adult decisions, and a traumatized child is far to overwhelmed to be made responsible for deciding what is best for them. Nurture them rather than coddle them.

Hearing the Words "Mom, I'm Pregnant"

The day your beautiful little girl comes to you and says "Mom, I'm pregnant." may feel like the worst day of your life. Dealing with a pregnant teen is something no parent wants to have to do, but for far too many parents, it is a reality.

So what's a parent to do?

First, stay calm. Hearing such jarring information will bring feelings to the surface with such intensity that you may feel as if you cannot contain them, but you must. You are still the adult and you need to be level headed and an emotional example to your daughter. No real communication can occur when tempers flare and voices rise. This is a pivotal moment which may define your relationship with your daughter for the rest of your life. Keep your cool, take a deep breath and wait until you are able to communicate effectively before responding.

Listen without judging. Use mirroring techniques (see Psych-Net Mental Health for Instructions) to get information in a way that allows her to express her feelings without feeling verbally abused. You will need to learn the details without prying. Ask who the father is, was sex consensual and when the child was conceived, but don't pry for details about her sexual activities or habits - it's not your business unless she makes it your business.

Express your feelings. After she has said everything she needs to say, you should share your feelings about the situation. Be honest but not accusatory. Use I messages (see link above) to let her know that you feel scared, disappointed, and unsure about the future. Share your feelings in a calm way without implying guilt or condemnation.

What's her plan? Right from the start you will need to support her and encourage her to develop a working plan of action. She is still emotionally and psychologically too young to think through her options and come up with a plan on her own. Help her to pursue adoption instead of deluding herself into believing that she is mature enough to raise a child - especially if you have religious or moral convictions. If she is an older teen (18-19) she may choose to keep the child. If this is the case then you need to help her to connect with parenting classes and a family therapist who can help prepare her for her future as a mother.

Regardless of the course your daughter chooses it is imperative that she receive proper medical attention as well as therapeutic help. As the adult, you will be needed to acquire recommendations, and set appointments for doctors therapists, adoption agencies, alternative schooling facilities and pregnancy & birth classes.

She was a hormonal teenager before she was pregnant. Now she is a pregnant hormonal teenager; don't expect her to suddenly be capable of making adult decisions on her own. Because of your own feelings you may want to wash your hands of her, but doing so will put her and the baby in danger. Remember, this time will soon pass, don't burn your bridges. Your daughter needs you now more than she thinks she does.

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Symptoms of Mental Illness in Teens

Many mental illness' begin to emerge late in the teen years. Too often parents and teachers miss the symptoms and explain them away as typical teenage eccentricities. Because early detection is essential to preventing your teen from spiraling out of control I am listing signs and symptoms that you need to be aware of which may indicate an evolving mental illness.


* overly angry much of the time,
* cries a lot or overreacts to things; ·
* feels worthless or guilty;
* is anxious or worried more than other young people;
* experiences grief for several months after a loss or death;
* has unexplained fears or more fears than most kids;
* overly concerned about physical problems or appearance;
* feels uncomfortable in his/her own skin;
* suddenly begins to change clothes many times a day;
* believes that others are out to get him/her:
* begins behaving eccentrically;
* frightened that his or her mind is controlled or is out of control.

Experiences unexplained changes in life functioning:

* declining grades;
* extreme feelings of grandiosity;
* extreme mood changes
* inappropriate expression of emotions (i.e. laughing when sad)
* loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities;
* changes in sleeping or eating habits;
* avoids friends or family;
* difficulty getting things done;
* feels life is too hard or talks of suicide or death;
* hears voices that cannot be explained.

Is limited by:

* poor concentration; difficulty making decisions;
* inability to be still or focus attention;
* worries about being harmed, hurting others, or about doing something "bad";
* the need to wash, clean things, or perform certain routines many times a day or in a particular way;
* racing thoughts;
* persistent nightmares.

Behaves in ways that could cause harm:

* uses alcohol or other drugs;
* sexually inappropriate behavior toward self or others;
* eats large amounts of food and then forces vomiting, abuses laxatives, or takes enemas to avoid weight-'gain;
* continues to diet or exercise obsessively although bone-thin;.
* hurts other people, destroys property, or breaks the law;
* does things that can be life threatening - erratic driving, cutting, defies authority.

Your Teens Weight & the Road to Better Health

Teens model what they have learned from their parents. This time of year many teens are watching their parents talk about, worry about and do something about their weight. Unfortunately, focusing on weight in a family can negatively affect your child.

Children in a home where one or both parents focus on their weight and frequently go on and off of diets, learn that their physical appearance is more important than their talents, their worth as a person and their value to society.

The number one place that teens turn for advice about their weight is their parents. If the advice they get is filled with criticism, contempt for their weight or negativity about their looks the teen will internalize this negativity and begin to confuse their body image with their self image.

Parents can best support their teens desire to loose weight by focusing on a healthy family food plan rather than focusing on restricting the child's intake. Healthy eating is far more important to your child's long-term health than is their current weight. If the family prepares and appreciates healthy foods and an active lifestyle the teen will learn to control their weight as a side effect rather than as a family project.

Remember: It is the parent who buys the food that comes into the house. The teen can't eat what isn't there. Sure they can eat whatever they choose when not at home, but the majority of a child's intake comes from meals prepared at home - especially if the family has committed to sharing meals together on a daily basis.

Help your child become healthy and fit by taking responsibility for what your family eats, how much time you spend together and by refusing to allow negativity and criticism be a part of your interactions with one another.

Step Families and Holiday Happiness

Step families can be frustrating at best. But during the holiday season it can be downright irritating.

There is the stress of remembering who is staying where on what day. Add to that the chaos of trying to combine differing family traditions and the anxiety of determining who is responsible for buying gifts for each person in each family. Do you invite the ex to join you in the festivities? What about the former step children whom you briefly parented? Do you still buy them gifts or invite them to family functions? It's enough to make you wish you were an atheist.

Prepare yourself. If you are going to spend time alone while your children are with the other parent plan ahead and arrange to be with other people you love. Plan a treat for yourself like a spa day or a trip to the country. Pamper yourself instead of falling into despair while the kids are away.

Have realistic expectations. Holidays for a step-family are going to be different. By accepting that and adjusting your expectations will help you get emotionally prepared. During the holidays children can be reminded that their parent's aren’t together anymore. These reminders can bring up emotions such as loss, guilt or anger. By remembering that a step-family is different from a biological family you can create new traditions and rituals that are unique to your step-family.

Be flexible. Be willing to arrange times when your family can celebrate together, even if it’s before or after the holiday’s date. Children need to be with both of their biological parents, be sensitive to thatt.

Just because it's a holiday doesn't mean that everyone will suddenly be merry and bright. All of the unresolved issues that plagued the family prior to the special event will still be there today. Forget trying to get everyone under the same roof with the expectation of a Hallmark moment.

Step families can work if everyone involved has their eye set on compromise, acceptance and forgiveness. Otherwise, you may as well plan for some difficult moments. Remember that you cannot control anyone but yourself. Take extra care to do just that.

Teenagers - The Spice of Family Life

I love teenagers. My children's teenage years were some of my favorite. Perhaps that is because deep sown inside of me there is still a hint of rebellion, imaginative fantasy and moments of unexplainable moodiness. Sure there were moments of anguish and intense stress, but overall, having a house full of teens is just plain fun.

So when I hear people warning young parents about their upcoming decades of agony once their kids hit their teen years, I want to intervene. I want to tell parents to relax and to look forward to their children discovering their talents, experiencing puppy love and growing into adults.

I want to tell them to stay close, but not too close; to savor spending time just talking with -not at- them. And I want to remind them that if they work hard at forming strong, loving bonds with their children while young, that the job of parenting them once they become teenagers will be so much easier.

So instead of worrying about those teen years, just focus on creating and maintaining a strong, close family now. The strength of your family ties can make the difference between loving or dreading those teen years.

School Massacre in Finland

In southern Finland on Wednesday, an 18-year-old student opened fire in his high school killing eight people and himself in a shooting spree that stunned the Nordic country.

News reports about the shooting have focused on everything from gun control to the need for You Tube censorship. Some even blame the US. It is ridiculous.

I haven't been able to find anything written about the young man's family life or his mental health history, but I imagine that those two factors played the largest role in his decision to kill himself in this way.

Sometimes I find it hard to understand why educated journalists feel the need to stretch so far in an attempt to sensationalize the truth. Isn't the truth newsworthy enough?

My heart goes out to all those who have been effected by this tragedy. I will leave it at that.

Teens and Holiday Plans

Has your normally bubbly, playful and affectionate child turned into a mumbling, withdrawn and secretive teenager? Does s/he now hide behind headphones blasting rock music into the deepest recesses of their brain? Does your teen communicate only by cell phone or online? Finding yourself a parent of a teen can feel like a rude awakening - especially when you are planning a family trip for the holidays.

Here are a few tips for successful holiday planning with teenagers:

* Include your teen in the decision-making process you may be pleasantly surprised at the maturity of their opinions.
* Make sure there are plenty of options and activities to keep your teen interested and entertained.
* Never expect anyone older than 10 to eat at the "kids table.".
* Teenagers want to be as relaxed and as undisciplined as the adults. Allow them the freedom to sleep in, stay up late, play hours of video games or to just listen to their tunes - this is supposed to be their holiday too.
* If all else fails, give them some money and take them to the mall to do holiday shopping. Of course I don't recommend allowing them to run amok unsupervised unless they are in the latter half of their teen years - and then they should be providing their own money.
* Let them eat what they like. This is no time for nagging about good health and nutrition.
* Never ask your teen how they liked the trip unless you are prepared to hear about what they didn't like. Let them be honest without taking offense.
* Let go of control. The point of having family get-togethers is supposed to be to enjoy each other's company, relax, and to create happy family memories. Don't mess it all up by attempting to hold onto rules with an iron fist.

Take solace in knowing that soon it will be January and they will be back in school - having not done their homework.

Is Sex Between Step-Siblings Wrong?

I was asked an interesting question the other day:

"Is it considered incest if adult step-siblings have sex?"

Before answering I had to first set aside my personal moral stance and think through the question. I personally know two couples who are adult step-siblings and are also married to each other. So, obviously the legal answer to the question is no, it isn't considered incest in the eyes of the law.

In the two cases that I mentioned above, all 4 step-siblings met as adults when their parents began dating each other. They didn't grow up together and they never had a sibling-type relationship.

In the case of younger, underage kids I think the moral dilemma is evident. In my opinion, if the kids were in a family setting and were treated like siblings then having an intimate relationship, even as adults, should be out of the question. The judgment call cannot be made on blood-ties alone. Otherwise adopted siblings and foster siblings could be considered potential sexual partners.

What is your opinion?

Gay, Straight or Promiscuous - Who Can You Love?

I was flipping through the channels late one night when I came across a talk show that peeked my interest. A 16 year old girl who's mother had abandoned her at age nine was telling her mother how the pain of being left behind had been a factor in her early drug use and promiscuity. She even had the courage to tell her mother how she had turned to prostitution at age 13 to support her drug habit.

Through all of this her mother (who had had several affairs while married to her daughter's father) held the teens' hand and professed her love and support. She even intimated that she would not abandon her again.

At the suggestion of the host the girl told her mother that she presently had a girlfriend. She explained that after years of being abused by men, "it just felt more natural."

Her mother dropped her daughters' hand as if the girl had declared herself a leper. Her middle aged face hardened and she recoiled. The daughter, desperate for her mother's love and approval quickly stated that the two had just been going out and that they hadn't actually "done anything yet."

The mother's face softened a bit, and then she turned to the host and said "I just can't accept her with this. It isn't right, it is against my beliefs." I sat their on my couch analyzing the situation. Of course I was struck with the conditional requirements of the mother's love and the irony of her hypocrisy. My heart bled for this young girl.

But on a deeper level I understood that the girls' confession to her mother was more a tactic than an attempt to "come clean." She had been abandoned and forgotten for years. Although her mother professed her commitment to remain in her life, this time, she had not yet obtained the daughter's trust. What the teen really wanted to know is just how far she could push against the grain before her mother recanted. And unfortunately, or not, she found that boundary.

Our teens need our pure, unconditional love and support regardless of their lifestyle. They need to know that we will always be there for them. They need to be able to trust that our love for them is not dependent on what they do, but on who they are - our precious child.

Teens, Technology & Titillating Temptations

Some parents just don't want to be bothered with what their teenager is doing behind their back. But for those of us who want to know just how responsible our teen is behind the wheel or who wish they had a way of tracking their teen the future is upon us.

According to an article on Slashdot A Japanese firm has created new technology that enables GPS units to be embedded in clothing that will enable the wearer to be tracked continuously, even by video or on mobile devices. A mom could track her teens activities from her cell phone or from her computer at work.

If that isn't enough, most parents these days have heard of the devices that can keep a log of how fast their teen is driving, but if that isn't enough, check out the newest models at youthdrivingsafe.org that not only tell you their speed but will enable you to remotely turn off the car engine, flash the lights and honk the horn, get instant notification if your teen goes somewhere you have made off limits and find their exact location.

In the world of high tech toys and titillating teen temptations, parents are well advised to keep up with the age of technology and be willing to use whatever means necessary to keep their teen safe.

Monkey See, Monkey Do - Parenting by Example

No parent is perfect. And largely due to that fact, no child is perfect either. Several years ago I had a family as clients. They initially sent their teenage son to me to be fixed. After only a few sessions it was apparent to me that the parents needed help as well. They agreed and we started couple counseling in addition to individual therapy for their son.

After about 3 months of intense counseling, the father dangled a metaphoric carrot in front of his son "to tempt him" and to "see if he had been cured by therapy."

After discovering that his son had indeed given in to temptation the father called me, and in a rage he rationalized his desire to disown his son because of his "deceptive behavior and his obvious willingness to disregard what he had been told in therapy." The father was not only sabotaging his son's grown and progress, but he was expecting more out of his son than he was expecting from himself.

This may sound like an extreme case but I see less obvious examples like this in most of the families that I counsel. Parents tell their children not to steal and then they taste the grapes at the grocery store, fudge on their taxes and bring home office supplies from work. They punish their teen for lying then turn around and lie about their age or falsify a resume. They ground their teen for getting a speeding ticket and yet they rarely stick to the speed limit themselves.

Our kids learn the majority of their life lessons at home. And through the example of the parent the child learns what the family values really are. If the parent gives little respect to the sanctity of marriage the child is likely to grow up believing that marriage is a burden or even unnecessary. If the parent gets physical when angry, the child is likely to internalize violence as a coping skill.

As parents we need to become acutely aware of how we live our life. Because like it or not, everything from the language we use to the behaviors we rationalize are being absorbed and internalized by our children. We need to live the life we want our children to emulate.

Paris Hilton, Britney, Teen Idols? Please!

Paris Hilton, born into wealth - Britney Spears, forced into pop culture before she was ready to deal with it's pitfalls - Sports idols, thrust into a world of money and fame, doing drugs, torturing dogs, and disrespecting women. These are often the very people our teens look up to and aspire to emulate.

What is a parent to do? To some degree you have to expect that your child will look outside of the home to find people living a life that they admire and desire. As a teenager the walls of my bedroom were covered with pictures of Davey Jones, Paul McCartney and other popular entertainers. It was a normal phase of development that didn't damage me.

However, today's world is filled with teen idols that have less than exemplary and very public lives. Everyday I see teenage girls who spend exorbitant amounts of their parent's money trying to create an image that equals their wealthy and maladjusted idols. It is becoming common for these girls to feel entitled to their parent's money, money from lenders that they don't intend to pay back and from society in general. Although, as a parent you may not feel empowered to do anything about it, the fact is that you can take control of your own child and stop the behavior.

Teaching your child the necessity to work for their pay is the best way of helping them grow into a monetarily responsible adult who appreciates what they have earned. This can begin as soon as your child is old enough to start asking for candy at the grocery store. But if your teenager has skipped this level of development, it is not too late to stop feeding their demise with money.

Talk with your teen and let them know that you have made a tragic error in judgment regarding how liberal you have been with them. Let them know that you are making a change and that you will no longer give in to their crying, whining or threatening behaviors. You, as the parent, MUST realize that it is your job to teach your child how to fend for themselves. It is far more critical to your child's wellbeing that you be assertive and consistent instead of worrying about being your child's best friend.

Goth, Piercings and Other Teen Fashions

Teens, as cool as they try to be, are very self conscious. Fitting in while attempting to be unique and individual is a very tough tightrope to walk. Ask a teen why she suddenly began to dress all in black, dye her hair orange or pierce her lip and she will likely tell you that she is just being herself. Then you look at her group of friends and see that they all look alike and you wonder.

Here is the basic truth. Teens are so completely focused on themselves that they believe that the rest of the world is focused on them as well. They haven't yet figured out that their peers are also intensely focused on themselves and not them. Consequently they have to devise coping mechanisms to help them survive their perceived scrutiny from the world.

One of the ways they deal with being the center of the world is to attempt to take control of the situation themselves. Subconsciously they figure, "If everyone is going to stare at me anyway I might as well give them something to stare at." By doing this they can tell themselves that people are looking at them because of their fashion sense, and this helps them to discard fears that people look at them because there is something wrong them.

Not all teens take this approach. Generally teens that feel secure about who they are are less likely to feel the need to control the world around them. Teens who have a happy home-life, who don't feel overly controlled by their parents are less likely to act out in extreme ways.

Virginia Tech Murder Suicide can Trigger Copy-Cat Behavior

Teenagers can be both impressionable and impetuous. And a troubled teenager can be sent over the edge after witnessing news reports about a terrible tragedy such as the mass murder and suicide that occurred Monday at Virginia Tech. It is therefore imperative that every parent of a teenager be especially attentive to their teens' mood and habits for the next several weeks.

What worries me is that the intense coverage of this horrible event will give some mentally challenged teen the rational to commit a copy-cat suicide. For everyone who reads this, who knows a teenager who has had a history of suicide, depression or other emotional difficulties, please stay close to your teen and don't be too slow to arrange help for him, especially if he seems affected by the murder-suicide in Virginia this week.

Here are some signs to watch for:

If you see any of these danger signs, call a doctor, mental health clinic or suicide hotline immediately:

1. Pacing,
2. agitated behavior,
3. frequent mood changes,
4. sleeplessness for several nights.
5. Actions or threats of assault, physical harm or violence.
6. Delusions or hallucinations, such as hearing voices.
7. Threats or talk of death or suicide, such as "I don’t care any more," or "You won’t need to worry about me much longer."
8. Withdrawal from activities and relationships.
9. Putting affairs in order, such as saying good-bye to friends, giving away prized possessions or writing a will.
10. A sudden brightening of mood after a period of being depressed.
11. Unusually risky behavior, such as buying or handling a gun or driving recklessly.

For more on suicide, depression and other mental disorders go to psych-net.com

Who's Your Daddy? When Parentage is in Question

It is not uncommon for a man to adopt his new wifes children, especially if the children are very young and have developed a good relationship with their new step-father. And, unfortunately, it is becoming more common that the expectant mother doesn't know the paternity of her unborn child. Thus more and more children are growing up without knowing who their biological father is.

So, what's a mother to do when her children believe one man to be their father, but the mother knows that someone else was the sperm donor? Of course, as with most complicated issues, the answer is "It depends."

Seriously though, you have to ponder the question "How will my child benefit by knowing the truth?" In many cases, the sperm donor has had little or no contact with the child throughout his/her life. And if the person acting in the role of "father" has adopted the child, there may be nothing much to tell.

Children need to feel loved and secure in their home and in their place in the world and churning calm waters with information that may upset the healthy balance in the home may create feelings and situations that are far too adult for a young child to have to deal with. Wait until the child is an adult, and then, if the subject comes up, tell the truth.

Be sure to phrase what you say in a way that will help the teenager realize that you were doing what was best for him/her. If you got pregnant because you were young and stupid, admit that to your child as a lesson in waiting for the right person to come into their life at a more mature age.

If you are a single mother and your child is asking about their biological father, take their age into consideration and answer clearly and directly adding no more information than what was specified in the question. Again, be honest and use the opportunity to create a learning moment for the child.

Helping the child see your remorse for making bad choices at a young age can help them decide to make different choices for themselves. Of course, never belittle their father or speak about him in hateful ways. That will only damage the child's sense of identity (by identifying with the absent father). Instead, Help the child understand that their biological father made mistakes too and hopefully he is trying to make good choices now. This helps the child realize that he/she can also recover from mistakes in life.

Remember this isn't about you. This is about your child and knowing how to help them assimilate their complicated life in a way that teaches them something positive.

Turning Children into Psychopaths

An interesting study has recently come out showing the genetic and non-genetic factors that come together to create a teenager who is anti-social.

Anti-Social Personality Disorder has, in the recent past, been called Sociopathology, Psychopathology and it is a diagnosis which the afflicted must deal with for the rest of their life. There is no cure.

This study definitively showed that children (specifically boys) were much more likely to develop psychopathology when raised in a home with much negativity, and there was minimal affection or open displays of intimacy between family members.

Children who did not have a genetic predisposition for mental illness still developed into Sociopaths by the time they were between 15 to 18 years of age. Younger children were still acting out early warning signs of becoming sociopaths later in life.

So regardless of how your family chooses to express affection, it is vital that the parents get over their own fears of closeness and intimacy and begin to show regular affection toward their children. Just as important is that the habitual negativity in the home needs to be immediately stopped, and replaced with positive thoughts, behaviors and activities.

Having a warm loving home with positive encouragement for all the family members is essential to raising children who will feel empathy for others, who will be proud to be a member of his own family. Positivity creates positivity. And negativity creates negative and unhappy families.