Overcoming Despair, and Holiday Blues

Depression is different than feelings of despair in that it may last longer and/or is more intense than despair. However, treating despair and treating depression have some similarities.

Despair often results from a faulty interpretation of an experience. For instance when something goes wrong you tell yourself that the situation is hopeless or that the situation is beyond repair. The fastest way out of despair is to redefine the situation. Instead of allowing your negative thoughts to dictate your feelings, train yourself to define the situation in a way that does not include exaggerated language. You might say to yourself "OK, this is bad, but it's not the end of the world."

Despair, no matter how intense, will not last forever. All feelings have a way of fading with time. Think back to another time when you felt like the world would end and realize that, in fact, it didn't. It may be difficult, but you will get through this too.

If you have feelings of despair following this advice may be just the medicine you need to get you back on track.

Smile: It sounds silly, but studies have shown that even a fake smile produces "feel good" chemicals (endorphins) in your brain. Go find a mirror and force yourself to smile for at least five minutes. If you’re not laughing by then, go outside and smile at strangers. It may sound strange, but it works. Do it.

Exercise: A good swift walk around the block or 15 minutes of aerobics will stimulate your brains’ "feel good" chemicals alleviating your negative mood. Work in the garden, vigorously clean the house or just go for a 20 minute walk every day, the difference will surprise you.

Keep a journal: Recent research has shown that writing about your despair doesn’t alleviate it. However, making daily lists of those things for which you are grateful can make a dramatic difference in your mood. Every day write down three things that you are grateful for, then write down one thing that you like about yourself.

Do a good deed: It sounds simple but it is a very important part of dealing with despair and depression. Studies confirm that when you step outside of yourself, and spend time helping others, you begin to leave your own issues behind; negativity is soon replaced with happiness and self pity is replaced with the uplifting feelings that come with helping others. Start small, bring cookies to a friend or take your teenager to lunch.

Caffeine can cause despair to worsen. Reduce or delete caffeine from your diet. And last but not least, make room in your day for 20 minutes of sunshine. It sounds simple but decades of research have proven that doing these two things will make a marked difference in your ability to cope with despair.

You are ultimately in control of your emotions and your life. The choices you make today will determine your tomorrow.

Virginia Tech Murder Suicide can Trigger Copy-Cat Behavior

Teenagers can be both impressionable and impetuous. And a troubled teenager can be sent over the edge after witnessing news reports about a terrible tragedy such as the mass murder and suicide that occurred Monday at Virginia Tech. It is therefore imperative that every parent of a teenager be especially attentive to their teens' mood and habits for the next several weeks.

What worries me is that the intense coverage of this horrible event will give some mentally challenged teen the rational to commit a copy-cat suicide. For everyone who reads this, who knows a teenager who has had a history of suicide, depression or other emotional difficulties, please stay close to your teen and don't be too slow to arrange help for him, especially if he seems affected by the murder-suicide in Virginia this week.

Here are some signs to watch for:

If you see any of these danger signs, call a doctor, mental health clinic or suicide hotline immediately:

1. Pacing,
2. agitated behavior,
3. frequent mood changes,
4. sleeplessness for several nights.
5. Actions or threats of assault, physical harm or violence.
6. Delusions or hallucinations, such as hearing voices.
7. Threats or talk of death or suicide, such as "I don’t care any more," or "You won’t need to worry about me much longer."
8. Withdrawal from activities and relationships.
9. Putting affairs in order, such as saying good-bye to friends, giving away prized possessions or writing a will.
10. A sudden brightening of mood after a period of being depressed.
11. Unusually risky behavior, such as buying or handling a gun or driving recklessly.

For more on suicide, depression and other mental disorders go to psych-net.com