Paris Hilton, Britney, Teen Idols? Please!

Paris Hilton, born into wealth - Britney Spears, forced into pop culture before she was ready to deal with it's pitfalls - Sports idols, thrust into a world of money and fame, doing drugs, torturing dogs, and disrespecting women. These are often the very people our teens look up to and aspire to emulate.

What is a parent to do? To some degree you have to expect that your child will look outside of the home to find people living a life that they admire and desire. As a teenager the walls of my bedroom were covered with pictures of Davey Jones, Paul McCartney and other popular entertainers. It was a normal phase of development that didn't damage me.

However, today's world is filled with teen idols that have less than exemplary and very public lives. Everyday I see teenage girls who spend exorbitant amounts of their parent's money trying to create an image that equals their wealthy and maladjusted idols. It is becoming common for these girls to feel entitled to their parent's money, money from lenders that they don't intend to pay back and from society in general. Although, as a parent you may not feel empowered to do anything about it, the fact is that you can take control of your own child and stop the behavior.

Teaching your child the necessity to work for their pay is the best way of helping them grow into a monetarily responsible adult who appreciates what they have earned. This can begin as soon as your child is old enough to start asking for candy at the grocery store. But if your teenager has skipped this level of development, it is not too late to stop feeding their demise with money.

Talk with your teen and let them know that you have made a tragic error in judgment regarding how liberal you have been with them. Let them know that you are making a change and that you will no longer give in to their crying, whining or threatening behaviors. You, as the parent, MUST realize that it is your job to teach your child how to fend for themselves. It is far more critical to your child's wellbeing that you be assertive and consistent instead of worrying about being your child's best friend.

Goth, Piercings and Other Teen Fashions

Teens, as cool as they try to be, are very self conscious. Fitting in while attempting to be unique and individual is a very tough tightrope to walk. Ask a teen why she suddenly began to dress all in black, dye her hair orange or pierce her lip and she will likely tell you that she is just being herself. Then you look at her group of friends and see that they all look alike and you wonder.

Here is the basic truth. Teens are so completely focused on themselves that they believe that the rest of the world is focused on them as well. They haven't yet figured out that their peers are also intensely focused on themselves and not them. Consequently they have to devise coping mechanisms to help them survive their perceived scrutiny from the world.

One of the ways they deal with being the center of the world is to attempt to take control of the situation themselves. Subconsciously they figure, "If everyone is going to stare at me anyway I might as well give them something to stare at." By doing this they can tell themselves that people are looking at them because of their fashion sense, and this helps them to discard fears that people look at them because there is something wrong them.

Not all teens take this approach. Generally teens that feel secure about who they are are less likely to feel the need to control the world around them. Teens who have a happy home-life, who don't feel overly controlled by their parents are less likely to act out in extreme ways.