Balance Between Helping and Interfering

More often than not, teenagers resent unsolicited advice or attention. They need to be left alone to a greater degree than when they were young, to find their own way in life. And they need to feel capable of finding their own way without too much parental intervention. Although the teens' physical boundaries need to be respected, learning to do so is often difficult.

It is hard to stop hugging them every time they leave the house, or to expect a kiss at bedtime. But in order to allow the teen to learn how much affection is right for them, pulling back is what we need to do. Eventually they will come to us when they need a hug or a listening ear.

On the other hand, teenagers do appreciate their parent's opinions and counsel - when it is solicited. The trick is learning how to know when and when not, to offer advice. This requires listening skills. Learning how to listen to teenagers can make the difference between helping and preaching. A simple rule to remember is to offer advice only when you are asked for it.

A recent study indicated that teens spend 40% of their leisure time with peers, and only 10% of their time with parents and family members. The study also showed that although teens talk to their peers about almost everything, they still prefer talking to parents about moral or ethical dilemmas. Although these findings may not be surprising, it is interesting to note that although our teens may not spend as much time with us, they still want us to help them with the critical issues in their life.

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