Teens Need to Feel Accepted

Although living with a teen can be energizing and great fun, at times it can feel like never-ending work. There are the ups and downs that accompany a constantly changing human being to deal with; and of course there are worries about worldly influence that can make a parent age prematurely.

One thing that seems to be a part of raising any teenager is learning how to love them even when they profess to neither want or need it. Truth is, they both want and need it. Underneath their independent, bravado exterior is the kid that you have always known and loved. They just no longer want you to notice their vulnerability or their never-ending need for your acceptance and appreciation.

This is a critical time in life for both you and your teen. This is the time to change how you show your appreciation for them by making extra efforts to recognize their newly developing talents and personality. Let them know what it is about them that you really like. You don't need to make a show of it, just a simple remark in passing once in a while will do. Your teen will probably grumble in response, but those positive validations will sink deep into their sense of self.

It is so easy to be critical of their ever-changing hair style and the way they twist and distort language, but you have to remember that this too will pass. They won't be a teen forever and the things you now find so distasteful will soon be replaced - with other things you find distasteful.

And such is life. You and your parents probably don't see eye-to-eye on everything either, but you still love each other in spite of your differences. As long as your teen isn't self destructing, or hurting anyone else in their growing process, it's best to pick as few battles as possible. Let them know that you see them in their path toward independence and that you still love them.

Tomorrow you will wake up and discover that your teen has become an adult; and hopefully, your new best friend.

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Teen Violence - A Parenting Dilema

Three female teens from a public school in Long Island have been under investigation for battery and harassment due to videotaping themselves while beating up a 13 year old girl from a private school. The case came into the spotlight when the video was made public on You-Tube and 2 other public video sites. The girls reportedly had words “about a boy” earlier on My Space which led the 3 older teens to plan an attack on the younger teen.

Scenes like this have become all too common in today’s technological era. But are videophones and the internet to blame? Hardly.

Today on Larry King Live, 4 professionals were interviewed regarding the issue and all agreed that the parents of the 3 teens need to take some responsibility for the violent and criminal actions of their daughters. Most of today’s teens have access to cell phones and the internet but only a certain percentage of them use these devices to commit crimes.

Gone are the fantasies of the 80’s which touted that a parent can be just as effective from the office as from home. Studies are repeatedly showing that kids who are raised by two working parents are far more likely to engage in criminal behaviors than those who have at least one parent who stays at home to raise them.

Too often parents believe that they can go back to work once their child hits the teen years. Not so. Teens are especially vulnerable to depression, feelings of abandonment and anger, and they need the frequent interaction and assurance of a stay-at-home parent to help them feel secure in their confusing and insecure world.

If your teen is acting out, it is a clear sign that s/he is angry. And it takes a responsible parent to be able to understand what role they may be playing in their child’s anger. Healing the feelings of your child may require changes in your family’s lifestyle, but in the end it will be worth every effort.

Photo Source: http://www.boston.com

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Teens and Consequences - How to Make Parenting Easier

My teen knows what the consequence will be for bad behavior...
	always
	rarely
	for most things
	never
pollcode.com

The effectiveness of your house rules can be greatly increased if both you and your teen know, without a doubt, what the consequences will be for every infraction.

The best way to make sure that everyone knows what the consequences will be is to routinely have family meetings to reiterate the rules and the consequences for breaking those rules. That way your teen understands that when they choose to break a rule they are also choosing a particular consequence.

Another way to ensure that the teen chooses not to break rules is to include them in deciding what the consequences will be. If they are the ones who suggested what the consequences should be they won’t be able to argue with you about not being “fair.”

Studies have shown that the consequences they choose are almost always stiffer than what the parent would have chosen. So when they suggest a consequence it may win you bonus points to point that out and to settle on something appropriate but not quite as punishing.

Also, help guide them to think of consequences that are related to the infraction so that they will understand that you aren’t just trying to “punish” them, but that you are attempting to help them learn a healthy life lesson. Why not take steps to make parenting less difficult? Try it, you’ll like it!

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Balance Between Helping and Interfering

More often than not, teenagers resent unsolicited advice or attention. They need to be left alone to a greater degree than when they were young, to find their own way in life. And they need to feel capable of finding their own way without too much parental intervention. Although the teens' physical boundaries need to be respected, learning to do so is often difficult.

It is hard to stop hugging them every time they leave the house, or to expect a kiss at bedtime. But in order to allow the teen to learn how much affection is right for them, pulling back is what we need to do. Eventually they will come to us when they need a hug or a listening ear.

On the other hand, teenagers do appreciate their parent's opinions and counsel - when it is solicited. The trick is learning how to know when and when not, to offer advice. This requires listening skills. Learning how to listen to teenagers can make the difference between helping and preaching. A simple rule to remember is to offer advice only when you are asked for it.

A recent study indicated that teens spend 40% of their leisure time with peers, and only 10% of their time with parents and family members. The study also showed that although teens talk to their peers about almost everything, they still prefer talking to parents about moral or ethical dilemmas. Although these findings may not be surprising, it is interesting to note that although our teens may not spend as much time with us, they still want us to help them with the critical issues in their life.

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